Redirecting the critic....

So normally when I teach yoga, I'll give a quick scroll through my phone and see what appropriate quote pops up and resonates with me in that moment to read to my class.  99.9% of those quotes are perfectly motivational.  (examples here, here, here & here)  But last week that .01% found me when I was scrolling and landed on this one:

This one certainly resonated, but not in a perfectly motivational way.  Rather it hit me with a big thud of "UGH," remembering how I used to view my life several years ago.

You see, THIS particular quote used to be my calling card.  My signature stamp.  I used to believe this 1000% and believed it was not only THE way to make myself 'a better person,' but also my 'excuse' for judging others so harshly.  Because maybe I was horrifically judgmental of others, BUT I was ALWAYS a zillion and one percent more critical of myself....even though not many saw that side.  This was the reason.  This was my excuse.  But this is how we're suppose to be, right??

WHY do we think this is a way to better ourselves??

WHY do we think this is how we need to be??

WHY do we think this is the norm??

From someone who's lived & died a thousand deaths from this quote, I can tell you one thing I now know:  IT'S NOT.

It's what we're taught.  It's what we think we need to do in order to 'achieve greatness.'  We're supposed to NEVER be satisfied with 'enough,' right?  We HAVE to be perfect.  We HAVE to want/have ALL THE THINGS to be happy...and until we HAVE 'all the things,' we have to criticize, judge and be unhappy until then.  

The perfect body.  That last 10/20/30 pounds.  That perfect house.  The perfect family.  

Sound familiar?

The irony was as soon as I began to let go of that incessant NEED to 'be better,' to desperately 'want BETTER' and, in turn, STOPPED criticizing myself so intensely, the part of me that judged others (a side I despised) slowly began to fade away.

I discovered the moment I stopped beating myself up, everything naturally became brighter.  Peace with yourself and gratitude in what you have can never be undervalued.  In a world where we're taught WE ALWAYS NEED TO TRY TO BE BETTER, finding peace in how we are TODAY can be the breath of fresh air we've been desperately looking for and/or didn't even realize we were missing.

And I know this all sounds like some sort of 'new age' fantasy, but from someone who's BEEN THERE, I can tell you change is possible.  "The way of the world" should NOT be criticizing.  It should be PEACE.  All of the magic of the world happens from peace.

So the next time you find yourself becoming self-critical or criticizing others, here's some tips to get you from that critical moment to a more more peaceful one:

   

-try to figure out what is the source.  Are you just having a bad day?  Feeling insecure in the moment?  You got looked over for a promotion?  All valid reasons to have upset feelings, but....

-try to find a moment of stillness in your day (yes, that fancy 'new age' meditation😉) acknowledge those feelings, feel the emotions and then try your best to let them go  (easier said then done, I know.  But it DOES get easier the more you try it).  I also know the world tells us we need to be DOING THINGS at all times and yes, we're ALL insanely busy.  But if you can get a MINUTE out of your day, ONE MINUTE that is peaceful vs. busy...you'll begin to see a shift.  And then work your way up to that 5-10 minutes on the days you can.  WE ALL have 10 minutes or less in a day.  I KNOW stillness is hard.  I KNOW.  But ya know what else is hard??  Being so hard on yourself all of the time.  
(and I'm not even gonna allow you an excuse for this one😉  Skip that scrolling of social media for ONE MINUTE and you'll have found that one moment of peace in your day😉)

-REDIRECT your thoughts.  This is CRITICAL when that self-critic arises.  The second you hear your mind chatter "maybe you're not good enough," immediately STOP it.  You don't have to turn it into rainbows and sunshine in that moment if you're not feelin that zippy (not many of us every are in that moment😉).  BUT, you still don't have to engage in those thoughts.  You don't have to BECOME those thoughts.  You can just change the direction of your thoughts onto something else and keep it movin.  The more you do this, the more that critic tends to disappear.  

Oh, it still rises occasionally.  It always does.  But the more we redirect our thoughts, the more we find stillness vs. that endless loop of self-critisim, the sooner we can find the place where we can hear that VERYYYY quiet voice that will ALWAYS tell you 'you ARE good enough.'  THAT, my friends, is your true self and it ALWAYS wants the best for you.  

The beating yourself up DOES NOT have to be you.  The key is CHOOSING for it not to be.  So many people believe it's just their nature, 'it's the way they are.'  I would have said the EXACT same thing 5+ years ago.  But believe me, follow those few tips with diligence and consistency and before you know it, you'll start to find that glimmer of calm peace.  Start with that ONE MINUTE today.  Just ONE.  That one minute can start the path that leads to great things❤

I'll end this post with a quote from one of my VERY favorite movies.  One that spoke to my soul the very first time I saw it almost 20 years ago (before I even really knew what the hell my soul even was😉).  It feels extremely appropriate...esp. that last line😉

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A peek at my sanity...

...I kid.  Sort of.

I've talked a lot about ALLOWING and what a difference SMALL INDULGENCES can make to your overall sanity at trying to live a healthy lifestyle.  They can help you make healthy choices throughout your life 80% of the time, without having all that resentment from "I can't have this cause I'm on a diet" (gag) moments.  So here's a peek of what I allow myself to have ALMOST every day:  Chocolate!

I never used to be a chocolate person, so this is still sorta hilarious for me...but I'm making up for lost time, allowing myself little bites almost daily.  Always checking in whether I want it or not.  Yesterday, when I made this video, I actually wanted a couple pieces.  Today?  Not interested at all.  I'm saying that because I'm very tuned into whether I'm having out of habit or because I truly want it.

OK....enough chatter!  Here's the video of my awesome chocolate stash!

Do you guys have any recommendations??  Any favorite indulgences??  

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Emotion vs. the Bigger Picture...

So I've been trying to compose a blog post for this "mental weight loss Wednesday" for several weeks.  Problem is, with these posts, I have to dig deep and write them early so I can let them 'marinate' and brew naturally before posting them.  Problem is, with busy schedules (just like ALL of us), I usually find myself not get set to type them out until Wednesday night at 11:59pm😊.  But I heard a great piece of advice last week and thought it could pertain to, um, delayed blog posting😉, as well as making healthy choices in both food & exercise...

Don't succumb to the emotion of the moment.

We've all been there right?  We've had a long day, running around doing a million things and that couch is calling your name.  Only "problem" is you just WANT to get that workout in, but don't FEEL like doing it.  Right now, your head is telling you you just want to collapse on that couch and binge on hours of "Real Housewives of NYC" TV.  Here's where this advice REALLY comes in handy:  Don't let the EMOTION of that moment, take you off your goals of the BIGGER PICTURE.  Now, don't get me wrong:  there are times when you TRULY know you just NEED to rest.  And that's OK.  But here's the key to knowing the difference:  if you know you're not going to feel guilty about skipping a workout, you needed rest.  But if you KNOW you're gonna feel bummed about passing up that workout- deep down you WANTED to workout, even if you didn't FEEL like doing it in the moment.  Try your best to sort through those emotions in that moment, take a few breaths to quiet the mind and see if you can hear that little voice inside that knows the difference between "just take a break, your body needs it" vs "you KNOW you're going to feel better if you just get up and do it."  Come from a place a peace, but recognizing which voice is telling you to relax:  your mind or that little voice inside who knowwws what you need in those moments.  Sometimes it's peace and sometimes it's just taking that one more step to get you off the couch and get that workout done & over before you know it.

Um, same goes with writing blog posts😉

AND same with food choices too, right??  Here's a good moment to check in with ourselves to note whether we're eating out of emotion or because we TRULY want what we're craving.  A good 'second thought' to keep in your mind:  Do I really want this (fill in the blank:  chocolate, ice cream sundae, entire bag of salty chips...mmmmm, chips) because I'm feeling stressed/anxious/etc at this moment?  And if so, IS this treat going to change any of those emotions after I polish off that last bite?  Or am I just going to feel worse...and then crave MORE stuff?  ALSO, am I eating (your treat of choice) out of HABIT?  Just because it's in front of me or it's what I normally do when I watch a show at the end of a day.  And again, there are times you NEED that chocolate...because if you don't have it, you're now 'denying yourself' and that's going to create resentments.  At those times:  have the darn chocolate, live your life and be happy.  But if you know it's not worth the calories and you're just having it because you're bored/stressed/it's in front of you/choose you're own reason, try your best to breath to get to the NEXT moment where you can move away from it with no second thoughts.  

(photo source)

Try your best to think of the big picture of what you REALLY want, a healthier lifestyle or completing ANY task, and ask yourself which one you TRULY want more in THIS moment, separate from those emotions.  98% of the time it only takes a few extra moments, just a few extra calming breaths, to check in with ourselves and find an answer that is coming from a place of peace vs. the emotions OF the moment.  Always come from peace...it'll never lead you wrong😉

Namaste.

Just had to thow that in there.  It felt right😉

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New workshop....

Hi, all!  Well, I don't have much to share with you today...oh, except for this HUGESCARYEXCITING thing I'm doing very soon!  My very first workshop!  Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. 

I'm both excited and SUPERTERRIFIED....although I alleviated some of my fears today by working on the content with the lovely owner of Center for Relaxation & Health at Plainsboro, Michele Granberg.  We even made a Facebook live video!  Check us out HERE.

I've been telling folks that included in the cost of admission is the possibility that I might pass out from terror from public speaking...so there's that😉  But if you are in the area and know anyone who would be interested in seeing me pass out in this subject, please feel free to share.

THANK YOU!

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Some days....

So my first post back about 'mental weight loss' in a VERY long time and guess what??  I have to share with you what's currently going on that I haven't worked my way out of yet...because this is real life and what's actually going on at the moment. (it's not that bad...let's not be so dramatic here😉)

So I haven't really been able to get myself to the place I KNOW where I feel best:  where I'm eating well & working out consistently.  I'll kinda do one or both for a few days and then a few days slip into blah.  And in the spirit of being kind to myself, I quickly forgave myself for any slips and moved on.  THIS has been GREAT from a mental standpoint.  Just being able to move on and NOT beat yourself up is heads & tails from where I was over a year ago.

That's the good news.

The 'bad' news (again, not THAT bad) is that after a few days of one (two, three...) too many sweet or salty treats in a day, I woke up on Saturday morning PHYSICALLY feeling bad.  Just knowing I needed to try a LOT harder to get myself back into a healthy place.  Knowing I did NOT want to sneak any more excessive (EXCESSIVE) bites of rice krispie treats covered with rainbow star sprinkles for the kids.  It's one thing to have a treat and enjoy it...it's ANOTHER thing to just keep having treat after treat (after treat after treat...) and not enjoy it at ALL, but rather just compulsed to eat.  Without even a good reason why.  It's honestly the part of 'unhealthy' eating that I DESPISE the most.

ADD to this, after teaching my yoga class on Saturday mornin (remember I already FELT bad at this point), I got to try out a class they were going to be offering at our gym soon.  I'm pretty game for anything, so I thought I'd give it a try.  "I teach yoga and feel like I'm pretty active, so..."

And guess what?

I could NOT HANG. COULD. NOT.  I can hold a boat in yoga for quite a few breaths...but holding boat for MINUTES while throwin in twists, sit-ups, etc.  Yeah.  Not so much.  And that was just one of the exercises that felt defeating.  Couple that with the instructor being ROCK SOLID muscle and me feeling like a hot mess that day.  Yeah.  Not great for the self-esteem.  We've all had those moments.

So, here I am a few days out and am still not feeling completely at peace with how out of sorts I felt in that class.  I have been double (tripling) down on vegetables this week, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't taken EFFORT.  Not ease.  Like I actually have to THINK about adding in salads, verses my usual just remembing to have them.  Having to be sure to place all of the extra healthy stuff in the front of my fridge before I got distracted by anything my eyes could catch on.  Making sure to have healthy breakfasts/lunches/snacks on hand so I didn't immediatly default to...say chips & cheese and call it lunch👀  These things are usually pretty normal but, like I said, are taking effort at the moment and sometimes it's just worth acknowledging you NEED more effort.  And that's OK.
I immediately left that class, trudged to Trader Joe's and picked up ALLTHEJUICE they have to offer in an attempt to flood my body with nutrients ASAP, but I can't say they were necessarily enjoyable...but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

So why am I writing all of this when I don't have any answers or 'way out' at the moment?  Basically to share with you one thing that I've come to acept in my weight loss AND spiritual journey:  That some days it's just all an ebb & flow.  I have fooled myself on approx. 293840238 occasions thinking I've finally "GOT IT,"  got all the answers, got it all figured out and "NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN."  (this in terms of healthy eating AND having that elusive perfectly clear mind)  Only to fall, some times out of nowhere, and it feeling even WORSE since I thought I'd never find myself there again.  What I've learned in the last year is that every thing is cyclical.  Some days ya eat great, work out, feel great, meditate like a rockstar and just feel like a shining beam of light.  Other days?  Not so much.  And worse, other days you do ALL of those things and STILL not feel that great.  The key I've learned is, even when ya hit that bottom, ya just gotta breath and ride it out.  Just like everything that goes up, must come down...well, everything down will rise to the top again.  The trick is in how you handle it, trying your best not to descend into those depths (or at least not for too long).

Easier said than done.  

Believe me.  I KNOW.

Right now I'm just trying to take all my 'good yoga knowledge' and just breath while things are difficult and accept that they'll turn around the quicker I try to embrace them and make a change.  Today I worked on a lonnnnnng mediation about balancing (this one specifically) and felt all of that healing energy.  So now every time I feel my brain getting a little fuzzy, I try to breath and reengage in that energy.  And just like I teach my classes:  the more healing/happy energy you cultivate...the more you have it at your disposal for when you need it.  Hopefully this helps lead the way out MUCH quicker.  Breathing can never, ever, ever lead you wrong.

Hippie yoga advice wrapping up now😉

Just another reminder that I am walkin the walk right along with you😊  Let me know if you guys relate.  Or you think I'm crazy.  Either is probably definitely applicable😉

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Lessons from the big 2-0-1-6....

Hey, all!  Happy January from THIS side of the holidays😊  Hope you guys had as fabulous of one as you could have hoped for!

First things first:  In reference to my last post, where I said I was enjoying little treats along the way and hopefully it wouldn't lead to a 2 week binder at the end of the year.

Hmmmm...I can't say it was a TOTAL binder, but there was definitely A LOT of treats.  Too many, that's for sure.  Now that I think of it, a LOT of them were the week BEFORE Christmas.  We were running around a lot, like all the rest of you.  Between get togethers and quite a few errands, there was just a lot of eating on the go and/or 'hey, I didn't eat breakfast...but my friend is delivering cookies to my house while I'm teaching yoga, so....' 😉  Funny enough, the week AFTER Christmas (where we usually eat out a lot) we ended up cooking home A LOT and it felt REALLLLLLLLLLY nice.  There were definitely pockets of EXTRA-overindulging, but for the most part it was all held together well.  Working out also played a huge part that, aside from teaching classes, I tried to fit in at least a 2 mile walk in MOST days.  And forgave myself on the few days I just wasn't feelin it.  Because that recliner...😉

The result?

Stepped on the scale this morning as a gauge and I weighed the EXACT same weight I did back in October, which has been my post-Lily lowest so far.

I'll take it.

I'll take it.  I'll take it.  I'll take it.

With that said, I thought I'd share a few thoughts on food/mental weight loss that I feel have crystallized for me in 2016.  

Here goes:

~I like variety, but I REALLLLLLLLY don't like TOO much food at once.
  Perfect example:  We actually scaled back on Christmas Eve (where we do dips & appetizers), and yet there was STILL wayyyyyyyyy too much to sample and try.  The result?  You get full fast and then keep eating cause you want to try ALLTHETHINGS.  
Well, the one thing I LOVE (neeeeeeeeeeed!) to have on Christmas Eve is a plate of fresh mozzarella, pepperoni, roasted red peppers, kalamata olives...you get the picture.  I had some that night and it just blended in with ALL the rest of the things.  Everything was delicious, don't get me wrong.  But it just was A LOT.  Come December 26th, we were looking for something for lunch and I decided to whip up another cheese tray to munch on...and I enjoyed it sooooooooooooooooo much more.  Because I could just enjoy THAT ONE THING.  Still enjoyed variety with all the things to pick on, but WITHOUT needing ANYTHING else and without everything just blending into a mess of JUST CONSUMPTION and no flavor.  Good lesson for me. 


~A few bites of dessert are REALLY more than enough and all you can taste.
I forget this one WAY too easily.  But if you can't really taste it anymore, is it REALLY worth it??


~I ate full fat sour cream for the 1st time in YEARS, and guess what?  I ate WAY less and I liked it soooooooo very much.
SOOOO very much.  Cleaning up my diet and eating more real food has been an ongoing process since 2011.  My most interesting 'fact' about that time was that, after 3 years of nothing happening, I managed to get pregnant the year I quit Splenda.  May TOTALLLLLY have been a coincidence, but since then I've DEF kicked a lot of those habits.  And last year I really started to eat less "less fat/calorie" products and just savor smaller portions.  I don't HATE low-fat ice cream, but I don't think I've had/purchased it in ages (aside from one pint of a certain brand of 'protein ice cream', which may have unfortunately turned me off from even trying the highly touted Halo Top.  My stomach turns just thinking about it🙍).  
And MOST notably this year was the one I kicked my daily coffee creamer habit!  I'll have a cup, maybe once or twice a month, with a creamer...but most of the time it's 1/2 & 1/2 and honey for me now, baby.  All day, err day.  That was a huggggggggggggge one, since I felt the creamer was the most unhealthy habit I had in my DAILY diet.  (I still have the occasional diet soda, but it's usually ONLY when I'm out.  Not a daily thing.  I'll tackle that one another year😉)
I also try to buy more organic WHEN I can, without driving myself to the brink of insanity and/or the poorhouse😉  I mainly focus of the "dirty dozen" and try to filter in the rest where I can.  (Shopping at Trader Joe's, Aldi's & Amazon Fresh has been our mainstays and an easy way to keep track of organic products for cheaper) 


~86% of the time, I don't like Greek yogurt.  Too much tang.  Only on specific occasions.
There, I said it.
😉  And/or I've figured out a lot of what I do AND do NOT like last year and it's just not worth the calories (or a foods promise of a lack there of) to eat it if I just DON'T LIKE IT.  So I'm not gonna.  So there.
And seriously, unless you're trying to detox a bit to get yourself back on track (we all need a little extra discipline SOME TIMES!) or trying out new ways to sample new foods, DON'T eat anything you hate!  Ya hate quinoa?  Don't do it!  Hate brussel sprouts, but like broccoli?  Eat the broccoli.  Everything is worth trying at least once or twice, but life's too short for FORCING yourself to eat things you just DO NOT like.  It's never worth it.  There are plenty of ways to make 'healthier' ingredients in a way you can enjoy them (and/or swaps for the ones you REALLY don't like).  Ya just gotta crack your own code to eating healthy AND happy😉    
(and if you're curious-the only 14% of the time I find Greek yogurt appealing is in those 2% cups mixed with fruit or honey, mixed in dips, salad dressings or mixed with a bit of lemon on tacos.  You can sleep now that you know that info😉)


~Eating what I want when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full just KILLS all that under consuming that leads to binging.  If you're hungry, EAT.  And more importantly, if you're not: DON'T.
I've struggled with binges for YEARS.  As in:  I would do realllllllly good and eat super healthy for days & weeks at a time, but always succumb to days/weeks where I just went on a tear and ate like my life depended on it.  And what I've really noticed this past year is that the times I'm NOT binging is when I'm FULL & SATISFIED.  As in, not having the teeniest, tinest meals in the name of weight loss, only to go off the rails and plow through food either that same day or coupled after weeks of teeny, tiny meals.  Keeping myself full and HAPPY with my meals is KEY.  Over the spring/summer, it was about me having a bigger breakfast to carry me through the day.  Right now, I'm enjoying the smaller meals, but snacking OFTEN and ANY time I'm hungry.  Whatever can keep me satiated and HAPPY keeps my head so much clearer and less prone to that dreaded moment of OVERdoing.
And I've written about this a lot here, but make sure you're ALLOWING yourself to have what you're REALLY craving.  Denying yourself only leads to that binging, and let's just skip that and leave it in the past this year, K?


~I'm NEVER happy when I'm stuffed.  EVERRRRRRRRR.
As soon as I crack the code of eating till I'm JUST FULL (which is an ONGOING process, to say the least), I'll have found my Narnia.


~The scale doesn't matter AT ALL.  Even if the scale # is good, you KNOW when you still feel gross from eating garbage and vice versa.
All that said and yet I'm still sooooooooo conflicted about the scale.  I banished it for most of this year, but still feel like it's a tool when you're REALLY trying to be diligent and loose weight.   This is still a tough one....but 2 things I know for sure:  1-I feel less obsessive without it & 2-I do indeed know when I feel good vs. gross.  Trust thy gut.


~I didn't beat myself up this year if I occasionally overate or didn't feel my best.
For the most part, I just moved on and started fresh at the next meal.  And all that lack of mental boxing lead to making PEACEFUL healthier choices MORE often.  I'll take it.


~I like chocolate in the afternoons and have it almost daily.  Because it makes me happy.  End of story.
Preferably milk.  And I know you're gonna tell me that dark is better.  I know, I get it.  Some days I have it, but most days it's milk all the way.  Know your happy place💖  


STILL NEED TO WORK ON:

~My brain switching over to 'less healthy' things once Friday-Sunday rolls around.
It's almost automatic and I can't STAND it.


~we're blessed to have a LOT of times to indulge and MAYBE I don't neeeeeeed to participate in EVERY one.  Especially if it's not exactly what I want in the moment.
On two occasions in recent memory we went out to eat and I GENUINELY wanted a salad.  But I did not get the salad because 'we were out, so it's time to indulge.'  And guess what??  I felt gross after.  Funny how I'll eat kale when I'm home, 'being good' and really want pasta, but I'll RARELY everrrrr get a salad if I'm 'supposed' to be eating a burger while we're out.
Maybe in 2017, I'll learn🙏


(I'll mention again) ~Stop eating when I'm JUST full.


So yep...that's where 2016 has brought me and I'm excited to see what's next.  On the weight front, I can firmly say I'm 20+ pounds lighter than I was last year and I'll take that.  ....still about 7 pounds from my pre-Lily weight & about 18ish pounds (give or take) from my happiest weight, where I feel my best...but we're getting there.  Slow & steady.  At least I can say I'm getting there while feeling happy & satisfied vs. deprived & miserable.  I'll take what I can get😉

Me thinks I'll have lots more to share with you on the meditation front soon as well.  Plus I think I may be bringin back my 'weekly food wrap-ups.'  I always enjoyed doing them...as long as I don't feel too consumed/obsessed with food.  But a gal still likes to talk about it occasionally😉

Have you guys learned any big lessons in 2016?  If so, share with me!

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Very curious...

So something very curious has been happening.  Very, very curious.  

And of course it involves food.  And Christmas.  So here ya go:

I've always been an 'out of sight/out of mind' person when it comes to food.  Honestly, if it's not in front of me, 97.6% of the time I won't go seek it out.  As long as I have the snack foods hidden for when I NEEEEED them, I rarely think about them.  HOWEVER, if there just happens to be a Reese's peanut butter cup laying on the counter...than OBVIOUSLY it's the only thing I'VEEVERNEEDEDTOEATINMYWHOLE LIFE and I HAVE to have it.  I'm wired like that. 

So going back to the curious happenings, Trader Joe's just so happens to make their Christmas treats RIDICULOUSLY adorable and I have made said treats a part of my Christmas decor around here and they've been hanging out on my counter all month long.

The curious part??  (may I repeat...ahem...) THEY'VE BEEN HANGING OUT ON MY COUNTER ALL MONTH LONG!

Like, as in NO OVER compulsion to polish them up all the live long day.  NO NEED for a 'little piece of this & that throughout the day.  They're just THERE.  And looking oh-so-pretty I might add.

Now let me back up a second here.  It's not like I'm not eating things from my Christmas stash AT ALL.  Quite the contrary...and here's where some 'mental weight loss magic' may be working.

So when December started, I knew I wanted to do a few things.... 

1. Get my 2-3 mile Walk Away the Pounds in every day (or at least most days)
2. Enjoy Christmas treats and all the fun things the month brings.
3. Not deprive myself all month long and then STUFFMYFACE like a lunatic the last 2 weeks of December.

That last one has yet to be decided, BUT I HAVE been enjoying a treat a day.  The key to this seems to be the fact that instead of waiting to have 'dessert' at the end of the day as I usually do (all while trying to distract myself ALL day from not diving face first into that stash), instead I usually CRAVE chocolate around 1-2 o'clock every day...so guess what?  I have it.  And I don't wait.

Revolutionary, I know.

But hear me out.  For whatever reason (and reading into Ayurvedic medicine, this seems to make more sense) my hardest time to make it through the day, snack wise, is 12-4p,.  Mornings I don't care.  Nights (FOR THE MOST PART) I don't care.  But those afternoons are a BEAR and where I have to distract my mind the most, but it definitely WANTS.  So instead of trying to distract myself, I just started giving into it and enjoying whatever the hell I wanted in the afternoons.  (and on that .04% chance I don't want to snack that day, I *GASP* don't).  And guess what?  My mind has been SO much clearer and I've been able to sort through my cravings easier.  Choosing what I REALLY want every single day, having it and just moving.  And here's the REALLY important part: with having no interest in having MORE.  I can't overstate that non-desire to keep eating & eating enough.  I can't even TELL you how many times I've ignored my cravings (be it for a day or days) and eventually ending up in that sweet/salty snack cycle, all the while nothing seems satisfying.  Here, I have what I want.  It satisfies me.  End of story.

It's really so crazy that this needs to be a THOUGHT PROCESS, while I'm sure for others this just comes so naturally.  It feels sorta crazy...but ya know what?  It is what it is and I'm better off acknowledging that it's a process for me (and I'm sure for some of you out there) then to pretend that it's not and only end up going off the rails (again, and again and again).

I know nothing of that.

*snort*

The daily exercise has definitely been another key in helping keep my mind clear on rational food choices (although I'm currently on hiatus with a cold...grrrr!) and really satisfying each craving WHEN THEY HAPPEN (more on that soon!).   That has been my huge "accomplishment" this month.  

Hahahahaha...and by accomplishment, rest assure this also means I was making a pan of salted pretzel bark last night (right alongside our healthy dinner of Farro, white bean and kale;) because I knew I DID NOT want to wait until closer to Christmas to enjoy it.  I wanted it NOW and that was that.

And the kicker?  I feel GOOD, both in body and SOUL.  Not deprived, enjoying all the Christmas treats all month IN PEACE (vs. in a crazy binge) and if I wanna go back to swapping the chocolate treats for apples come January?  Well, we'll just cross that bridge when 2017 ushers in;)

We'll see how this rolls on through the next couple weeks, with the MOUNTAINS of treats being thrown at us left & right for the rest of the month.  (Not to mention my love of cooking with all those little *special* ingredients this time of year aka-puff pastry, Brie cheese, etc.)  My goal is to ENJOY WITHOUT that overindulgence that not only leaves the guilt, but also the GROSS feelings.  Even if I've been working on not associating guilt with food these past few months, ya still can't deny the GROSS factor.  So AVOIDING THAT will be my new goal.

There.  I said it.

It's gonna happen.

How do you guys work out those cravings??  Especially around the holidays??  

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A dose of perspective...

So since I decided to stop weighing myself, I've been 1000% less COMPLETELYOBSESSED with the numbers on the scale and more focused on how I feel and trying to make good choices.  The only 'problem' is that during my once-a-month weigh-ins, I've been fairly consistent on the scale...which is GREAT, but I also would like to loose a bit more before I get to that maintenance phase.  And with that said, I decided to start trying to be EXTRA consistent with my work-outs and more diligent about food choices/loosing weight.  And since my brain had some 'free time,' given it wasn't obsessed with that scale...what would any moderately rational person do instead?  OF COURSE focus on how RESENTFUL I felt about needing to loose THE SAME weight for the 4th time (the 1st time around, the 2nd time after I gained some back + 2 pregnancies).  

About 3 weeks ago, I had went back to my 'home base' of workouts and started back with my good ole "Walk away the pounds" videos and trying to do them at least daily.  The only problem was that even when I was waking up and getting the 3-mile version done first thing in the morning, I didn't feel proud of myself.  I just felt MAD that I STILL had to do these things, even ALLLLLL these years later.  Now, don't get me wrong, I have written AT LENGTH on this blog about how I've never really been inconsistent with working out because I've always done what I'd like...which is all true.  HELL, I never really even forget how lucky I am that I CAN move my legs enough to workout, ya know.  And I'll be the FIRST to admit you never really can stop working, BUT...this resentment coupled with TRYING to get EXTRA consistent to loose THESAMEPOUNDS left me pretty pissed off.

And then, much like any other time in my life, the perfect answer came to me at just the right moment.  I was in the midst of having a pity party and getting angry about working up the motivation to do the 7 zillionth walk in 10+ years, and in the back of my mind came the words I needed to hear clear as a bell...

But what's the alternate?

Talk about a wake up call.   Because what's the alternate of blowing off workouts because you're mad and you just don't want to do them anymore?  What's the alternate for eating junk food that you know makes you feel like trash, but you're just hoping THIS ONE time you sit on the couch and overindulge on chips and eat yourself into oblivion will not make you FEEL like trash for days?  And what if you just did both of these for days, weeks, months on end....where is that going to lead?

You know where I'm going with this.

It was just the bit of perspective I needed to clear my mind and get myself moving HAPPILY again.  And not just moving, but feeling 100% mentally lighter after shedding all of that weight of resentment.  My current 'routine' is to tackle one of these 2 mile walks at least 4 days of the week, while I try to sweat it out a little extra with the 3 miles atleast twice a week.  And 98% of the time, I play one on my phone/computer while watching TV.  (Fun fact: a 3 mile walk is the same length of time as a Real Housewives of NJ episode, sans commercials...heyyyyyyy!;)  And, as I've learned about 8 zillion times before, as soon as I get a consistent burst of cardio going, my brain clears SOOOOOOOOO much better to make wiser, calmer food choice.  Making it MUCH easier to decipher true cravings from the times I really don't mind calling a green monster or cauliflower with hummus my breakfast or lunch.  And/or being able to REALLY enjoy those indulging times and helping you just move onto your next meal without an ounce of guilt or second thought. (because, ummmm...I already have melted brown butter cooling on the stove for Katie & I to make these cupcakes later today;)

Just thought I'd share if you needed that bout of perspective this morning.  It definitely helped me pull it all together and hope it will for you as well.  Enjoy your day!

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Lazy/hectic days of summer...

Hi, guys!  I know it's been a while since I've posted an update, but the days & weeks just get away from me these days in a sea of dropping kids off to run & teach yoga and then running back to go get them.  Rinse & repeat about 90 times a week.  Throw in a month-long bout of double pneumonia from Scott and my yoga schedule picking up ten-fold (THANK GOD!) and you have the makings of our own household tornado that never stops spinning.  Just like everyone else on planet earth with their own whirlwind storm, amIright?

The one thing I AM happy to report, even in my blogging absence, is that I've still been practicing what I preached in my last few posts and have spent BARELY ANY time obsessing, focusing or lamenting on weight loss or any lack thereof.  It was most noticeable last week, where we spent most of our time on the beach during Scott's (BLESSED AND TIMELY!) vacation.  Normally I would have spent the whole week with a lot of running commentary through my head of "ugh, I feel so gross, I hate the way I look, NEXT YEAR I'm gonna look SO much better"...etc, etc.  You know the drill, I'm sure.  Instead, I only had two fleeting moments of realizing how I had hardly ZERO of those moment the whole week and how liberating that felt.  That instead of spending SOVERYMUCH of my time berating myself and beating myself up over 'that one last bite' or 'why did I eat that??  Look what I've done to myself!'  Instead, I just...GASP....lived life and didn't worry about it.  How novel.  I just kinda looked around and said "who are these imaginary people that I'm trying to impress with the size of my swimsuit?  And if those people ARE judging me...do I really care??"  So far the answer has come back with a resounding "HELL NO."  I JUST DO. NOT. care.  And it feels awesome.

I've weighed myself exactly 2 times in as many months: the beginning of July & again at the beginning of August, solely just as a gauge and this has nearly STOPPED all of my food/weight obsession 10 fold.  Ironically, not only did I not obsess about weight loss at the beach, but we barely even thought about food much last week.  Sure, we had a couple ice cream splurges and our lunches were bigger than the usual salad, but for the most part...we honestly didn't think much about food at all.  And believe me, I WANTED those chorizo nachos from the boardwalk, but the IDEA of it sounded like more fun than actually HAVING them, ya know what I mean?  
That being said, there are definitely weeks I notice that I'm more indulgent, and ya know what I do the very next week?  Just get back into it, paying more attention to how I FEEL when I eat well vs. berating myself for 'eating bad.'  I know I still have a long way to go with breaking down all of the mental scaffolding I've put up over the last years, but it's definitely progress.  It's definitely more 'fun' to eat well to feel good vs. panicking about every bite that might show up on the scale.

The other 'irony' has been that as soon as I wrote about all of the exercises I love, I actually started doing a lot more routines working on muscle/squats/lunges/etc.  I mostly keep it to those quick, 20-ish minute workouts from Tone it Up MOST days of the week and am completely OBSESSED with this one.  I probably attack that one about 3-4 times a week and I've FELT the difference in my tone VERY quickly.  And who doesn't like quick results??  I just play the video on my phone and do the exercises while I'm catching up on TV.  Gosh...I sorta hate myself for sounding so millenial there, but whatever works and gets ya up & movin is A-OK in my book.

So, I just thought I'd pop in for a quick check-in and let you know my silence has NOT been based on having a tough time (for once!) but rather not focusing on the 'struggle' lately.  I'm sure I'll have more thoughts to share with you soon.  The photo above stirred a lot of thoughts regarding HOW MUCH TIME we spend basing life on CALORIES.  Now that I've stepped back a bit, a lot is hitting me at once regarding how we get to that place.  I'm sure I'll be sharing more with you soon.

I'll also be sharing another post for my Collingswood Farmer's Market recipe project!  I'm bringin back an oldie but goodie to use up our late summer veggies.

And how bout even I am just SONOTREADY to give up Summer 2016 just yet??  I'm sure about 97% of this has to do with the fact that Katie is starting preschool next week (I. CAN. NOT!), or that I've just REALLY embraced ALLTHETHINGS this year...EVEN with our OUT OF CONTROL temperatures.  It DID make me giddy to have a few days/nights with the windows open last week from the cooler temperatures, but I want to really embrace this 'last week' as much as I can....although I surely be breakin out all those great orange-colored items VERY soon.

OK...that's enough rambling sentences for one day!  Have a good one.

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