Yet another updated journey...

Hi, everyone!

And by everyone, I mean:  Is anyone still here??

I know it's been QUITE awhile since I've last posted on here and since then A LOT has changed.  The biggest of which included graduating yoga teacher training...

(photo source)

...and being joined by the most awesome little girl we named Lily. 

Oh, did I happen to mention those 2 huge life events happened in under 24 hours??

Well, they did.  The end of June was one for the record books in our house, for sure.

Another thing that's changed in a great way is my relationship with food & a lot of the mindsets I've had for the last, oh I don't know, my whole life.  I had debated back and forth for a long while about whether I wanted to continue this blog or not, juggling back & forth between an underlying itch to talk about health & wellness-y things and the desire to 'put it all out there' vs. remaining more private (ya know, aside from my daily Facebook shared photos of the 2 princesses.  I can't help myselfJ)  But if there's one thing I've learned about myself in the last 2 years, it's that I'm VERY good at one thing: being vulnerable.  And in turn, I've noticed that people feel comforted about being vulnerable with me in return.  So I figured what better place to continue to do that than would be on this little space I've created on the ole' world wide web.

Speaking of, I've actually thought a lot about deleting this entire account & starting from scratch.  I don't even feel like a lot of it represents where my life & thoughts are at the moment. (none the least of which include an updated banner & format...but we'll get there.  Anyone interested in walking me through a Blogger to Wordpress import??  I'm hopelessly untech savvy forever and always)  But at the same time, I have a bit of a love affair with the fact that I have a LOT of good, fun years documented on here...in all their ill-grammered, misspelled, exclamation point heavy gloryJ  It's as imperfect as my life.  One I don't mind living unfiltered.  And as much as I admire those glossy, BEAUTIFUL Pinterest perfect blogs, the thoughts I had about mine 'not being one of them' (aka-not good enough) is a thought I'm OK with now.  I definitely won't have the most beautiful photos or the most well-structured sentences, but I will do the one thing I know I'm good at:  being honest and letting you know I'm right there with you in the daily struggle.  Some of you might say "Wow, I feel the exact same way!" & some of you might say "Woah...she has WAY more issues than me!" and I'm A-OK with either reactionJ

Which brings me to what I want to talk more about on this blog going forward.  I feel like I want to be more open and honest about food choices, the thought processes that go along with them and more of the mental journey of being healthy.  As much as I'm passionate and still LOVE food and any & all of the good, old reason to enjoy it to the fullest, I'm also kinda tired of feeling so OBSESSED by it.  I have loved it and feared it at the same time and since I feel like I'm coming a bit out of the other side of that food addiction (and/or working towards it, depends on the day), I thought I'd show you more about working towards that freedom, as I work on it myself.  At this point, as much as I've enjoyed talking about how things are SOGOOD (and probably still will, on occasion), I kinda just want food to be what it is at this point:  Just food.  I want to enjoy it to the fullest and then just be DONE.  Without any longing for more from "deprivation" or guilt that comes from overindulging.

It's seriously kinda crazy to think that it has taken me so long to get here, or at least be aware enough to really tackle & work through it.  I'm thoroughly envious of people who can just enjoy food for what it is, without any brain chatter.  To be quite honest, I think I didn't even have any brain chatter at my heaviest weight.  I think more of it came in as I lost weight and started to associate guilt with overeating.  Sans pregnancy weight (more on that in a sec), I've managed to maintain my weight loss (give or take) over the last 10+ years and I'm only now starting to really sort through all of the mental baggage that has comes with it.  Part of me thought the blog was really adding to the food obsession and I really needed to step back for a second, and maybe now I'm ready to start shifting this journey up a bit.

So back to the current weight situation:  I've always sorta regretted that I started this blog after my inital big weight loss that changed my life.  But given that I'm currently trying to AGAIN loose the last 15ish pounds I have left to loose since having Lily in June  (which I still chalk up the excessive amount of carbs I needed to consume to quell the near 5-month long stretch of morning/all-damn-day sickness), now is a good a time as any to share my next steps with you.  And I'm also curious, given my healthier MENTAL relationship I've been REALLY working on developing, where that will lead to in regards to weight loss.  I've debated for the last several years if I wanted to be content with my 'easy, maintenance weight' or if I wanted to see if I could cross another threshold again and reach a new low.  I have no idea about the answer to that right now, but I'm sure I'll be sharing more about it in the future.  All I know is I plan for my next path to be more mindful & body/mind aware vs. feeling teethered & white-knuckled obsessed with the scale.  

So....long-winded first post back wrap-up:  I'm not sure what the format of this blog is going to be going forward.  We'll see what feels authentic & what it evolves in to.  I might share some daily eats posts or I might focus other posts on more mental challenges.  And I also highly doubt I'll be here every day, given my 2 little peanuts at my feetJ.  The only thing I can promise is to be open & honest and let you know that you're not alone in this ongoing struggle of the joys of food balanced with the even greater joys of health.

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Thanks for reading!